Gou's Notebooks
by derasorea
Summary: A first-year student reports to the swim team that Gou is being bullied in the hallway. Makoto, Haruka, Rei, and Nagisa rush to Gou's aid. Gou's hurt; the boys are not pleased at all. Also, Nagisa tries to assist Rei in his push-ups.


I. The half-hour swim practice

"Uh, Rei-chan? What are you doing?"

Rei looked at Nagisa's face, peering into his, and resumed his counting. "A new exercise I had read about," he answered. _Not this early, Nagisa-kun_, he thought. Swim practice had just started, late and unplanned because of Gou's absence. The swim club was supposed to meet at 5:00pm to be briefed with revisions in their individual training schedules for regionals, but Gou had not come yet. He and Nagisa raced each other to their classroom looking for her, but her friends said she had already left.

Her phone went unanswered when they tried to call. They looked at each other uneasily; Gou hated tardiness, and if there were changes in schedules, she would usually message them immediately. And the rumors…

"She was late once," was all Haruka said to them before his head went down the water again.

::

Makoto, who was pacing back and forth the poolside worriedly, seemed comforted by his words._ Haru has a point. It's too early to be worried. But, please be alright, Gou_, he thought. "Ah, yes," he said, smiling. "Haru's right. Maybe Gou had to do something important before coming over, just like last time when she forgot to bring her swim club notebooks and went home to get them. We'll wait for her and practice in the meantime."

At that, Rei and Nagisa exchanged glances, then obediently began practicing.

Fifteen minutes into practice, Rei was on his second batch of handstand push-ups. The exercise was said to be good for the shoulders and the back and may help improve his butterfly stance. He was doing well, he thought, silently counting in his head, focusing on his breathing, hoping his form looked beautiful—until Nagisa, dripping from a just-finished lap, came to him.

"Oh, handstands for your butterfly, I see," Nagisa said. "I'll assist you then!"

"What? No, thank you, Nagisa-kun, I'm all right," Rei said. "Go back to practicing, I don't want to distu-"

"No, no, it's ok! I'd hold your legs up so it would be easier for you!" Then Nagisa frowned. "I might need a chair to support your legs, though…"

"Nagisa, no."

"Well, I'll have to stand on my toes then." Nagisa moved closer to him and, standing on his toes, clutched Rei's legs.

"That's not what I mean!" Rei yelled, legs twitching and realizing he was arguing with Nagisa upside down. "I want to train alone for a moment!

"But I want to help you!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NAGISA!"

Rei sighed in defeat, relaxed his arms, collapsed into the floor and, said, "All right. Thank you. But give me a minute to breathe, please." As he reached for his glasses, he saw Makoto and Haruka's fuzzy outlines in the water. The two weren't even looking at them._ Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai must be so used to me and Nagisa shouting each other down every practice_, he thought miserably.

A girl with brownish-orange hair burst into the pool area, startling them all. "I'm sorry for intruding," she said breathlessly, looking both embarrassed and distressed. "But please come and help! Gou, G-Gou's hurt!"

II. Gou's notebooks

Gou had brought a lot of things for today's meeting with the swim club: revised training schedules, swimming DVDs for the boys to watch and study at home, sandwiches for them to eat after the meeting, and her special notebooks (which she classified into team, secret data, and inspiration).

Her team notebook included important team information, from contact details to illnesses and allergies, their and Miss Amakata's class schedules, tardiness/absence tallies for practices and meetings, and the boys' personal training programs. Her secret data notebook, the one she often brought to joint practices and tournaments, had pages after pages of information stealthily obtained from rival schools. All sorts of drawings filled her inspiration notebook. There were swimsuit and tracksuit designs that caught her eye, doodles of muscles, a huge "Iwatobi Swim Team is No.1" ink lettering she did herself, and sketches of the team.

She left the classroom with Chigusa, the notebooks and sandwiches carefully arranged in a cloth bag._ We'll be using the notebooks anyway, so it's better I have them out already. Then I'll leave them in my locker after the meeting_, she thought.

"I really think it's better that I read the books after we watched the film. Unlike you, I wasn't that disappointed because I wasn't expecting anything yet!" Chigusa said as they were walking down the hallway.

"Mm. They really should have had cut Peeta's leg off," she answered. "And a better Peeniss cave scene. But the movie was good."

"Yeah, the—"

"Oh, look. It's the swimming gays' pet."

Two boys blocked their way and looked at Gou menacingly. One was shorter than Nagisa, blue-haired and freckled, the other tall and gangling, his sinister smile distorted by a voice girlier than hers or Chigusa's. They were in the same year as the two girls.

"What did you just say?" Chigusa glared at them.

"I said," Girly Voice squeaked, "your friend is a pet of the gays from the gay swimming club." The two boys laughed.

_I don't have time for you two_, Gou thought. "Let's go, Chigusa. I still have a meeting and you have a curfew. Don't mind them." There were still a few people in the hallway as well and she didn't want to get anybody in trouble.

"Look, there's Makoto-senpai!" Chigusa shouted, pointing behind the two boys. Girly Voice was stunned to speechlessness, and Gou wondered if he wet himself in shock. Makoto was a year higher than them, and while he was known to be genial and approachable, few dared to mess with him because of his imposing height and size. When the two boys looked behind them and realized Chigusa's fib, Girly Voice stood there, gaping at them in quiet rage. The blue-haired one, however, was positively miffed. His face was so red his freckles weren't visible anymore and he screamed at Gou.

"You don't even swim! Why would you join a swim club, then, huh, Matsuoka?! You just want a piece of those guys, admit it! Too bad they'd only probably start noticing you after they get tired of boning each other!"

Chigusa moved to slap the guy. "How dare you talk about Gou like that, you bastard!"

Gou clutched her friend's vest and tugged, asking her to just continue walking. All the people's attention were on them now, she knew. _Even if these people pretend to not notice, this will be talked about on their way home, tomorrow in school, but if I stay silent again, maybe the team won't take the rumors seriously, just like before…_

"How can you stay so calm about this, Gou? They have no right to say that about you! You work so hard for the clu-" Gou sighed and smiled sadly, releasing Chigusa's vest. Her eyes met Chigusa's, pleading. _The others can't know. They can't. Please_. Understanding, Chigusa wiped away her tears angrily and said no more.

She continued walking, Chigusa trailing behind her, possibly still giving the boys the fiercest stinkeye she could. Gou walked with her chin up, looking ahead, repeating today's meeting agenda in her head again and again and again to tune out the murmurs and the stares—some concerned, others insulting—thrown her way. It would be just like before, she thought. _They talk, I walk away, it stops._

Usually she was correct. It had been three weeks now, and the cycle had been constant. The lesser bullies only talked when the team was not with her, and they usually got tired after getting no response at all from her. But today—as the taller boy roughly pulled her ponytail and slammed her to the ground, calling her a floozy, shouting they wouldn't be able to go away as easily as they would like to think; as she fell and the cloth bag's contents emptied into the floor, as the sandwiches her mother prepared was squashed one by one, and as notebook after notebook she very carefully organized was stomped on and destroyed by two boys whose names she didn't even know—she was wrong.

Chigusa was shouting, fending the boys away with her satchel, but they pushed her as well and she tripped, and she cursed, and she stood up again, yelling for help. "Wait here, Gou. I'll get help," she seemed to say, and she was running away from her, running as fast as her legs could, while she, Gou, lay on her stomach, frozen in shock. Her face and her mind felt numb.

_The floor tiles are cold. So cold._

_Chigusa would be calling Makoto and the others for help._

_Her notebooks are no more._

_Why… Why doesn't it stop?_

III. Winning and losing

It started the day the swim team's win was announced in the morning assembly.

"Please, Nagisa-kun. Stop waving and smiling at the girls, and listen to me," Rei was saying, his voice becoming more shrill every minute. They were at homeroom, waiting for their teacher.

"But, Rei-chan, it would be rude not to wave or smile back," Nagisa replied, winking at Rei.

"Nagisa!" Rei hissed. "Stop that, you still haven't gotten the correct answers for the math homework—"

A girl came over to their seats and smiled brightly at them. "I want to congratulate you for your win, Hazuki-san and Ryugazaki-san," she said.

"Ah, yes, well, we uh—" Rei began, visibly flustered by the girl's attention, while Nagisa enthused, "Thank you very much! It was a win made not just by me and Rei-chan, though, but also by Mako-chan and Haru-chan and Ama-chan-sensei and Gou-chan!"

"Gou? But she doesn't even swim."

Gou remembered how the girl laughed and looked at her before settling down in her seat as their teacher entered the room. The girl was the first one who gave her strange looks that day. Before the day was through, boys and girls alike from their year and up had been looking at her and whispering as she walked by. She was really happy that day, however, to be bothered. The swim club's efforts were recognized by the school, and that was enough for her.

The following days, however, she could not help by notice. People were saying unkind things about her and the swim team.

_ "If it's a club for swimmers, why is she there?"_

_ "My friend said the only reason she's in the swim club is because she let everyone have a go!"_

_ "Those swimmers are gay, I'm tellin' ya. So of course she'll be there, you know what they say about flocking birds, man? She's a lesbian."_

_ "Slut."_

_ "I heard she likes the biggest one in there, if you know what I mean."_

_ "Well, what girl wouldn't want to be part of Practically Naked Guys Club?"_

The first time she heard these things, she was more furious than hurt, and she lashed out at everyone who sneered and gave her dirty looks. "My name is Gou Matsuoka and I am THE manager of the Iwatobi Swim Club", she would calmly say, letting her eyes convey her fury instead. She didn't understand people's reactions at first. Girls seemed fascinated with the swim team and repulsed by her, while boys hated her and the team altogether.

Before, when they were still just starting out, people avoided strange, silent Haruka and his tall friend Makoto. Most seemed embarrassed to be seen around Rei, or looked scared of being talked to death by Nagisa. Miss Amakata was called Ama-cuckoo and was avoided for her "words of wisdom", and she, Gou, was just a regular girl. Nobody paid them mind.

Then the boys won at the prefecturals.

When she confided to Miss Amakata, the teacher said that because the swim team was becoming recognized, things like this would inevitably happen. "It's alright, Gou," Miss Amakata had said. "Stones are thrown only on fruit-bearing trees. Pay them no mind as well."

::

The first physical attack happened a week after that special morning assembly. She was walking to the cafeteria with Chigusa when a burly third-year stopped them and grabbed her by her vest, pulling her closer to him. "Hey, Matsuoka, I heard you like boys."

"Well, I'm a girl," she replied, staring him in the eye.

The third-year laughed and looked at her appreciatively, his eyes lingering on her chest. "Of course, you are," he rasped. "You need _real_ boys, though. Men."

"My friend Nagisa is a hundred times more a man than you'll ever be, and that guy loves pink and strawberries," she said. "So leave me and the swim club alone, you sandbag." She then bit his hand, which was still on her clothes, and ran away with Chigusa laughing behind her. The third-year looked shaken, as if Nagisa being seen as manlier than him was a blow so low and unthinkable.

The news reached the swim team, and the guys were not at all pleased. Makoto promised that he'd talk with the third-year, his large hands balled tightly and his usually calm face upset. Rei was threatening to report the boy to the police for harassment, Nagisa swore he'd punch the guy to sleep even if he was three heads smaller, and Haruka was already walking towards the cafeteria in silence when Gou stopped him. Gou realized how much this meant to the boys. _If even Makoto-senpai is seriously considering hurting somebody else because of me…_

No, she thought. Her teammates could not get in trouble. They had the regionals to think about, they had to focus and train and not be in trouble because of her.

"Whoever told you that went a bit overboard," she said, a little too chirpy than what she intended. She smiled. "The guy just wanted my number, and he was so persistent, so I bit his hand to make him stop."

It was the boys' turn to look at her strangely. "You're weird, Gou-chan," Nagisa murmured.

IV. Truths and lies

As it turned out, the boys were also aware of the rumors about them. Nobody was perturbed that much, though. "These things are natural," Makoto said, as if echoing Miss Amakata's earlier words. "As long as we don't let their words get to us, we should still be able to train well. It is you we're worrying about, Gou. If there are people who make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, please tell us," he said.

"Bring bullies to the pool," Haruka said.

"T-Thank you very much, guys," was all she managed to say.

She couldn't sleep that night. She was thankful Makoto only spoke with the third-year and didn't hurt him, but she knew that it wouldn't be the end of her or their troubles. As such, the hand-biting incident and Makoto's confrontation could actually fuel more talk.

She could not let the boys get into fights. They had a reputation as athletes and school records to maintain. She could not let them worry over her either; with the regionals looming, they needed to focus all their attention to training. But if the rumors persisted, if somebody hurt her physically again and the boys knew—

If the team decided that the best way to end the bullying was to just let her leave the club—

If news of bullying reached her brother—

And if people bullying her would be another cause of rift between Rin and the Iwatobi team—

_No. No, I wouldn't let that happen._

It's true she couldn't swim. Often, she couldn't even keep up with Chigusa in the hallways. Her brother was blessed with great physical strength, but she was not. Joining the swim team was no easy task for her — she was afraid the boys wouldn't take her in, and she was afraid that if they did, she would be useless because she's not strong enough. But she loved her brother. That was why she joined. Despite her fears, she promised she'd do her best both for Rin and his friends.

She loved the Iwatobi Team, too. Nagisa and Makoto were always praising her for managing the club so well, but she always thought the boys, especially Haruka, were talented enough to make it on their own, even without her. So even if they incensed her from time to time, even if Rei and Nagisa laughed at her muscle doodle-filled notebooks, even if it meant donning hakamas, being accused of using sex appeal, and devoting extra time for swimming-related research, she would do what she could for them, the brothers she unexpectedly found for herself. She might not be that needed, she thought, but she would still be there to support them.

She would keep silent, she decided. She would be strong. From now on she would ignore the stares and the whispers, and just focus all her strength into being the best manager Iwatobi Swim Club could ever wish for.

And hopefully, she thought as she drifted into sleep, all of _it_ would stop.

V. Pool business

"Why did you do that to Gou?" Makoto seized the boys by the collar, pinning them against the lockers. His arms surprised him; he didn't know he had this strength in him. But then again, no two people have pissed him off this much. Gou was a cheerful and responsible girl who treated everyone kindly. Why would people hurt her? "You aren't mute, are you? Answer me!"

"Mako-chan", Nagisa was tugging at his uniform, staring at him nervously. "Gou wouldn't want you to be sanctioned. Don't hurt them."

Rei fished the bullies' IDs and made way for the faculty building.

Haruka looked bored.

The two younger boys looked at Makoto in fear. The taller first-year was in tears, and this angered Makoto more. "You hurt a girl, and you cry when you get caught?" He loosened his grip on the shorter boy's collar to free his right hand, and the first-year immediately slumped into the floor, horrified.

His eyes were a green fire that bore into the taller first year's weeping ones. "You pushed Gou. Why?" he asked, his right hand clenching.

The bully just whimpered.

"Mako-chan, stop," Nagisa was pleading. He shoved the blond's hand away and said "Go get to Gou, Nagisa. I'll be there in a while," but Nagisa still wouldn't let go of Makoto's polo shirt.

"No, Mako-chan," Nagisa yelled, clutching his clothes, "I want to hurt them myself, but, look at them! They're not worth the trouble. Gou needs us more! Please, Mako-chan!"

A crunch of metal and two terrified shouts followed when Makoto punched the space beside the taller guy's right ear. "You won't hurt Gou again." It was an order, a counsel, a threat. He released the taller guy and dumped him beside the blue-haired one.

"Let's go then," he said, beckoning Haruka and Nagisa to follow.

"I'll pass."

"Wah— Haru-chan?" Nagisa looked surprised and hurt. "We have to go to Gou!"

"You go to her first," Haru replied, his eyes locking with Makoto's. "I have to go to the pool."

Makoto seemed to understand. He nodded, took Nagisa's hand, and left the boys to Haruka.

VI. Gou's drawing

They found her kneeling on the floor, salvaging whatever she could from the torn pages around her, with her friend Chigusa helping her.

"Gou!"

Makoto's strides, long and sturdy and swift, reached her first. He sat in front of her, gently pushing her bangs away, presumably to see her eyes better. His hands were tense and heavy on hers, but, unexplicably, they still felt gentle. His smile was gentle as well, despite the worry and anger evident in his eyes. "Gou, it's alright. We're here now."

She stared at his green eyes, unable to speak. _I'm okay, Makoto-senpai, she wanted to say. Chigusa returned after she called you and the others._ But his smile, his smile was too kind, and Haruka and Rei and Nagisa were also surely coming, and the words would not come…

"Gou-chan!" Nagisa's voice filled the hallway, now empty save for them, and he hugged her very tightly. "We met them by the end of the corridor where they tried to sneak out," he said. "Mako-chan, uh, dented around three lockers but I was able to prevent him from destroying the guys' faces because I know how you'd feel about it. Rei-chan was very angry with the bullies and reported them to faculty," Nagisa said, "while Haru-chan asked to be left behind. I think he—"

"Haru brought them to the pool," Makoto said.

Her eyes widened in fear. "M-Makoto-senpai," she said weakly. "Surely Haruka-senpai won't…?"

"No," Makoto assured her. "Haru's not like that. But I think he's going to teach them a swimming lesson," he said grimly.

Behind him, Rei was walking towards them, his eyebrows knitted together in fury and his lips a tight line. "I apologize for what our batch mates did to you, Gou-san", he said solemnly. "Nobody has the right to harass others like that. The faculty building was already closed, but I was able to talk with Counselor Akiyama who was about to go home. She said we can file a complaint tomorrow morning and assist us."

"Gou." She didn't see nor hear Haruka coming nearer, and yet his eyes, blazing blue, were now inches apart from hers, pulling her in with a gaze so intense it was unsettling. "I'd personally drown them if they lay a hand on you again."

"You should have told us earlier, Gou," Makoto was saying gently, and Nagisa had to marvel at how different this Makoto was to the one who cuffed the bullies by the lockers. "You should have told us the bullying worsened, you shouldn't have kept this to yourself."

_I honestly did not know what to do, Makoto-senpai. I don't want to get all of you in trouble. I want to see all of you swim with my brother, I don't want to be a burden to anyone…_ "I always felt I was strong enough to protect myself, but maybe I was wrong," was all she said.

Makoto smiled at her. "No, you're right, Gou. You are strong enough. It's just that there are always people who'll abuse the strength of others. Some don't see it, while others whose strengths are of a different kind won't acknowledge it."

"W-what do you mean, Makoto-senpai?"

"People think you're in the swim club because we're there. Personally, I think we're in the swim club because you're with us."

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand."

"We set up the swim club, but it survives because of you, Gou," Makoto said.

"That's right!" Rei and Nagisa nodded. "We would never have gone to those cool deserted islands if not for you, Gou-chan!" Nagisa grinned.

"We are able to train indoors in inclement weather because of the joint practices you organize", Rei said.

"You signed us up for the relay," Haruka said, smiling.

Nagisa pulled Rei, Haruka, and a shy Chigusa towards Gou for a hug, and Makoto's arms, warm and comfortable, wrapped around all of them.

::

"Hey, look at this!" Nagisa picked a torn page from the floor and held it against the light. "A drawing. Did you make this, Gou-chan?" He counted the people. "Who's the sixth one? Ama-chan-sensei? Wait, this is us, right?"

He was referring to a stick figure drawing she made of the team, her brother, and her, smiling by a pool. It was a sketch she kept in her inspiration notebook.

"It's us with onii-chan," Gou said. She saw the four boys examining the paper as her tears began to fall—out of joy or sadness, she was uncertain—and reduced them all into a blur.

»o«

_end_


End file.
